Welcome back to another glorious week of Sacred Women’s Business.
When I was speaking to a friend and mentor this week I confided in her about how fragile I was feeling about my delicate co-parenting relationship with my ex-partner. I was quick to frame our conversation with the necessity of our conversation being ‘confidential’ and realised that it was a source of shame for me. I realised I still felt ashamed that after almost eight years of co-parenting I was still feeling vulnerable about my relationship with my ex-partner being challenging at times.
Shame has held me back a number of times in my life.
When I was accepting my ‘Head Girl’ badge in primary school, I was secretly ashamed of the fact that there was no way I would be adequate for the title and spent a whole year trying to hide my inadequacy, waiting until the day I’d be revealed as a ‘fraud’. This was despite the fact that I’d coveted and dreamed about being awarded that badge for my entire school years.
When I was awarded an academically gifted scholarship in high-school I had a double hit of shame. I was ashamed because I felt I really wasn’t smart enough to have been given the scholarship (again feeling like a fraud) and I was ashamed to be singled out and bullied for it. I wanted more than anything to be just like everyone else and I was ashamed that I was different.
For years, I tortured myself with a deep private shame that I had partnered with someone with a serious drinking problem. His addiction was a deep source of shame that I could only speak about with a very select group of confidantes. When I became a single parent, my shame ran rampant. After-all, my mother had always held a scathing opinion of single mothers and had even refused to speak to my high-school friend’s mother who lived next door.
Healing the shame is essential for me to be able to do work that I love, to live guilt-free and to have a fulfilling life of contribution. The alternative is to live in a half-fulfilled state of being, a state of hiding out which says ‘because I’m not enough, I can’t come forward and do what my soul is here to do.’
The source of each and every cause of shame in my life is essentially the same: a feeling of not being good enough. When we look at the three core fears every human has these are 1. The fear of not being loved 2. The fear of not belonging and 3. The fear of not being good enough.
This week, I’m lifting the veil on my shame and stepping into a place where I’m enough. This week I want to say to you ‘you are enough. You are loved. You belong. You are more than enough!’