5 Ways to Deal With Haters
Have you ever wondered how to deal with haters? My first major experience was with someone I cared about. In her email, she said I was ignorant and had a massive ego. It hurt so much that I could hardly function for three days. I wondered whether I should just quit trying to grow my business altogether. It came at a vulnerable time right before a major celebration I was hosting. I was up leveling my business which was scary and required gumption. I’d just published my book and was putting it out there (if you’ve ever done this, you know how vulnerable this feels). I was struggling with clinical depression and I was trying to raise my sons solo with a difficult ex whilst creating a business that was becoming everything I dreamt it would be – but required a lot of personal sacrifice. The last thing I expected was for another woman to throw me off track just as I was making a conscious stand for women to stand by one another. At the time, I wanted to take full responsibility for triggering someone to write such a hurtful email. Until I realised that there was nothing I could do to change someone else’s perception of me. I went through the fire of one of my greatest fears, which was the fear of not being loved. Having come through that fire, this week I wanted to share with you ‘5 ways to deal with haters’, so that you can continue expanding and growing in the way benevolence is guiding you to, without second guessing yourself.
- Take Responsibility for what belongs to you and lovingly release the rest
Take a long, hard look at whether the criticism has merits. After the email came, I had to look within to see where I was being slack, ignorant and egotistical. It was painful. Ultimately, I have as much difficulty with self-love and self-acceptance as the next person. Some people seem to think that when you set out on fulfilling your soul path in order to provide for your family or be of service to others, you’re somehow immune to the pain of criticism. To deal with haters, lovingly release what doesn’t belong to you and gracefully hand it back to the one who is often looking in the mirror at their reflection. Some criticism, especially when it comes from someone who doesn’t know you, is best released without a second glance. There are instances where it’s important to understand your culpability – so apologise sincerely if need be – but lovingly and consciously release what doesn’t belong to you.
- Recommit to your Values
Your values are those emotional states you wish to feel on a regular basis. Your business values are the feeling states you wish another to feel when they utilise your products or services. Your values are like deep pillars of support that keep you going even when there’s major adversity. They help you get out of bed in the morning. Sacred Women’s Business values spiritual connection, leadership, generosity, femininity, abundance, creativity, and rebelliousness. If you’re feeling out of sorts, it may be because you haven’t been true to one of your values or they may be competing against one another in a values conflict. A good coach will steer you back on track with your values but you can also write them down and pin them up on the wall of your office for a reminder. Adversity is a destabiliser but values are the bedrock of which you can have unshakeable confidence in yourself and what you stand for.
- Reconnect to Spirit
Benevolence has been guiding you to give your gifts in special ways. It takes a lot of courage to say yes to the heroine’s call to adventure. Sometimes it means working long hours and sometimes it means changing your focus and priorities. The sacrifice is worth it because you’re doing what you were born to do. It’s not work to you, it comes naturally, so you find you can do it for long periods of time. Continually reconnecting to spirit, god, goddess, source or whatever you prefer to name your divinity, is the most potent way of overcoming the adversaries. After-all, love trumps fear every time. Benevolence loves you so much, with the universe on your side, who can be against you? Understand that you have positive and altruistic intentions for your life and that you are being true to the guidance you’re receiving. It is no one else’s business whether you are on path or not, as this is your one precious human life. It is no one else’s right to judge what you should and shouldn’t do with your own destiny. Go for it, and know that ultimately, your god-given destiny, will always be in the highest good for all beings whether they can see it or not. There is a specific phase in the heroine’s journey, which occurs shortly after you’ve made a commitment to your life’s purpose. It’s the phase of trials, tribulations, and adversaries. It’s to be expected that you’ll be tested for your level of commitment and conviction by circumstances and people at this stage. See the adversaries as part of the heroine’s journey. Take comfort in the fact that another phase of the journey is the phase of mentors, allies, and talisman. These are the people you can truly count on so keep them close. Surround yourself with the high achievers and dreamers who understand what your vision holds and choose to lift you rather than bring you down.
- Reconnect to your Intentions
You’ve set out with a mission. This might be written in the form of your mission statement in your business plan. Or it might be a concept that you have in your mind that you haven’t yet articulated but know on a deep, bone-wisdom level. Either way, your intentions are to create something special, something that contributes in a significant way and that supports you to fulfil your destiny as a contribution to the world. Remind yourself that you haven’t set out to hurt anyone, nor to make anyone feel bad or neglected or overlooked. You’re carrying out your work with a heartfelt commitment to doing what it takes to help others. Sometimes, when someone is feeling triggered by your work, it will cause them to strike out. It’s more often a reflection of their pain and hurt that would cause them to lash out in a hurtful way. Be classy, be graceful and don’t address them unless you’ve given it some thought. Stay connected to your intentions for your life and business and this will enable you to stay centred in the face of someone else’s instability. Anchor into your mission and be true to your heart to stay centred.
- Be compassionate and practice forgiveness
Judgment and criticism say more about the person directing the judgment and criticism than it does about you. In order to formulate their judgment, especially if it is an unkind one, usually requires that person to be in a deep level of hurt and pain. Hurt people hurt people. Compassion is the best tool for elevating the situation and forgiveness is the key to abundance in your business. Have you ever noticed how harbouring a victim-mentality and holding onto resentment affects the flow of abundance in your business? If someone is being particularly cruel, it can sometimes help to tune into the wounded child within that is creating the drama. Often the language that haters use is childish and points towards their unhappy inner child, a phenomenon that deserves compassion for the suffering they have been subjected to as a child. Whilst compassion and forgiveness are important, it’s also important to release and let go of toxic relationships that are undermining your right to grow and change as a human being.
I sincerely hope this may help you deal with haters.